As I stare out the window of our
car, sadness rolls over me and a slight dread piles over my head. Soon the
South Carolina trees will change to the trees of Georgia. The enormous oak
trees with mysterious yet beautiful moss hanging from each branch will no
longer be out my window. Until next time they will only be a memory or a
subject of a small photograph on my iPhone screen. The marsh only 2 miles away
will soon be 320 miles away. As far as I know they might as well be 3000. My family, all the cousins, aunts, uncles,
sisters, and in-laws, will no longer be in the same house as me when I wake.
Stories of my families past will no longer be a conversation away and games of
jokes and rivalry will now have fewer people playing. But the saddest of all,
the thing that many people will go through their day not noticing, the air that
I breath will no longer have salt in it. That ocean of mine will not be just
across the street, only 25 steps away. Now, I will not miss the ocean because of the beach it is on that happens to be
an impeccable spot for tanning by most girls standards. I will miss the sight
of dolphins in their habitat, the strong, but still soft waves crashing into my
face, the laughs that are had when a family plays together as they ride the
waves back to shore. I will miss the shells that hurt my feet. I will miss the
smell of the sea that seems to always sooth me. I will miss the lullaby of the
waves that are enough beauty, no music is needed. I will miss everything about
South Carolina.
As we spread my grandparents’ ashes
off of the U.S.S. Yorktown (my grandfather was in the navy) yesterday, I
realized how much I miss them. I would never wish them back, because I know
they are the happiest a person could ever be but I still miss them. My
relationship with all my grandparents is different than many of my friends’
relationships to theirs because mine, I believe, was cut short. Three of my
grandparents died by my age of 10. (My grandmother, Manda, is happily living in
Athens only an hour away and I am so grateful for her part in my life.) I still
remember all of them though, whether the memories may be few and far between
they are still there. I miss their smile and their laughter, but I just miss
them. However, because of having many deaths in a short period of time in my
childhood, I have learned not to resent death. I have become unafraid of my death, whenever God makes it time.
Now, don’t get me wrong I am definitely not saying I am ready for my time to
come or anything of the sort. I have just found the peace in God’s timing. I
have learned to trust His plan for me and everyone around me. I have learned
death is not to be something scary, for when God says, “Come home.” I will not fear to be in paradise. I owe that
lesson and strength in God to my three wonderful grandparents I guess you could
say. Even when they are gone, they are still here teaching me new things.
So, even though I will miss many
things of the adventurous life I long for, I know that like my grandparents it
will never really be gone. Honestly, many of the sad things I am leaving behind
for the time being are only five hours away, some even one. So although sadness
takes its place in my heart, something great overcomes it. Something that will
make me happy to wait until next time.
HOPE
Sincerely,
Melanie
This
is my dad's twin's grave stone, that my family was able to visit and pray by. I
never got to meet Michael, but if he was half the man my dad was I know he is
fantastic. Can't wait to meet and celebrate with him in Heaven.
